I walked past a window and caught a glimpse of this "woman" last week. I sent a tweet - "Who is this person?" Life has swept by. That's how I feel anyway. This year I turn 30, I don't feel *almost 30*; I frequently think I'm still in my early 20's.
My life inventory has started clicking through my head. In 30 years on this earth, what have I accomplished? Should I be proud? What more could I have done? Did I really live to this point? What am I proud of?
I'm a damn fine mother. This is not narcissism or self-promotion. This is THE TRUTH. My child is the center of my universe. She always has been, and she always will be. *NOTHING* will ever change this. She makes me stronger every day - what I do, I do for her. She teaches me and lends me wisdom every single day. Why do I say that? Because she takes this up-tight, clean-freak, type A mother of hers and forces her to see the world through the eyes of a 5 year old. She's my life-saver. She's my miracle. Without her - my life would be barren. She truly is the definition of "joy".
I have the best family in the world. My family is critical to my life. I'm a social girl, and it's because I was raised in a home of love and laughter. My partner, his children, each parent (I have 6, including my wonderful in-laws), sibling, niece, nephew, auntie, uncle, cousin - they all mean something to me. They touch my life every day. Everyone is often celebrated in their own way. This may be by phone calls, emails, impromptu parties, last minute "dates" - but I go out of my way to make sure that those in my life know they're appreciated and loved. I won't be able to tell them when I'm not on this Earth - so they need to know now.
I'm a good friend. I have many friends and acquaintances. I pride myself on the way I can make friends where ever I go. I'm also very loyal. I try so hard to live with an open and accepting mind; sometimes that is so absolutely difficult because this world is filled with ignorance and hate... But who am I? I'm no better than anyone.
I'm a spirited volunteer.I spend a lot of my time working for charities. I work tirelessly with my company to ensure that our Charitable Fund remains intact and relevant. The work we do touches thousands of life. And why not meld two of my loves together? Charitable work and Work work - it makes for a very rewarding life. Besides, nothing makes me happier than seeing the employee/Corporation funds at work, changing our community for the better, one life at a time.
I'm a career woman. I'm proud of where I am in my career. As I move into my 30th year, I see the successful steps I've taken to get to where I am. A lot of my moves in my career have been tactical - but there is also a high level of strategic planning I've done ... In a tactical fashion. I've rolled with the punches to make sure that I soak up everything that is relevant to what I need to do to accomplish my next set of professional goals. Right now? I'm in transition - before I turn 30, I'll be into a career progression that will take me into my 40's - I see growth and potential.
I have. What does this even mean? As a result of living with little to nothing at some points in my life - I've made it my goal to not "have" too much - but what I do have is nice, it's not ridiculously gratuitous, but it's what I've always wanted. This is one more reason for being a volunteer. I have the capability to have the things I want, beyond basic necessity - so why not give back where I can?
Sure, I have regrets, but I don't think life would be life without regret. Those who say they don't regret make me laugh - we all have moments in life where we've done or said something that wasn't right, or upset someone or was just wrong. Shut up people, we all live with regret.
Beyond that, it's almost like I've woken up in the past three years - I don't care what people think or say; I like lulu lemon clothing, and I like listening to top 40 music. I like being a stubborn, difficult, Type A.
I love my tattoos, and I'll damn well wear a skirt and show them off if I like. I'm tanorexic in the right sunlight, I like my hair curly or straight and I love my obsession with fitness and weight lifting.
My eyebrows are thin, my laugh is shrill and loud, I talk A LOT. I sing, badly ... I make a fool of myself with Road Trip Dance Parties. I love freely, laugh often and love to act silly. Nothing is better than laughing until I cry, and no, I don't like film festivals. I'm NOT eclectic. I like black coffee in the mornings and I eat my oatmeal out of a tupperware container at my desk every day.
So yes, I've lived, I have much to be proud of ... and no, I really don't think life has swept me by - I think I've been living for a lot longer than I've realized.
And the "woman" in the window? That was me. The real me, I am who I am.
Take it or leave it.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Mom
This was my submission to the Newsy Neighbour for May - this was written and submitted with my mother's approval and support. In fact, she thanked me for being so honest, for putting the words out there for others to see....
I didn’t really have a mom growing up.I had this group of “interested” women who were working to “guide” me through the female-type things, but I had a Mr. Mom. I don’t know anyone who has a dad like mine, but I also don’t know anyone who has a mom like I do. My mom is a pretty amazing and strong woman, and even with her short comings while I was growing up – she’s still one of the women who I admire the most.
My mom made some poor choices in her life – she used substances, and she broke hearts, the big and the small.She knows that, she’s acknowledged her demons, which had to be very difficult for her.Think about something that you’ve said or done to someone, and think about how hard it is for you to not only acknowledge, but own your role in the break down of that relationship.Magnify that by 100, and you might have a fraction of what my mother faced with my sister and I.
She got on her knees as the base of the Throne, and begged for the strength and forgiveness, and by the grace of the Lord, she was given just that.With that strength, she came to us, and she did her best to make amends; to mend the little hearts she’d broken so many years before.
In the past 12 and a half years, she’s abandoned her addictions to alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes.She took herself to a new level and re-did her high school education; went to college … and in October of 2008, 17 days after her 60th birthday, I had the supreme honor of witnessing one of the most inspiring and empowering moments of not only my life, but my mother’s. I stood tall, and with pride as she walked down the main aisle at the University of Lethbridge to accept her Master’s Degree in Health Science. My mother is on the other side of the fence now; she’s the healer.
Mom, I love you - I’m so proud of you, and so thankful for your wellness; physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
I didn’t really have a mom growing up.I had this group of “interested” women who were working to “guide” me through the female-type things, but I had a Mr. Mom. I don’t know anyone who has a dad like mine, but I also don’t know anyone who has a mom like I do. My mom is a pretty amazing and strong woman, and even with her short comings while I was growing up – she’s still one of the women who I admire the most.
My mom made some poor choices in her life – she used substances, and she broke hearts, the big and the small.She knows that, she’s acknowledged her demons, which had to be very difficult for her.Think about something that you’ve said or done to someone, and think about how hard it is for you to not only acknowledge, but own your role in the break down of that relationship.Magnify that by 100, and you might have a fraction of what my mother faced with my sister and I.
She got on her knees as the base of the Throne, and begged for the strength and forgiveness, and by the grace of the Lord, she was given just that.With that strength, she came to us, and she did her best to make amends; to mend the little hearts she’d broken so many years before.
In the past 12 and a half years, she’s abandoned her addictions to alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes.She took herself to a new level and re-did her high school education; went to college … and in October of 2008, 17 days after her 60th birthday, I had the supreme honor of witnessing one of the most inspiring and empowering moments of not only my life, but my mother’s. I stood tall, and with pride as she walked down the main aisle at the University of Lethbridge to accept her Master’s Degree in Health Science. My mother is on the other side of the fence now; she’s the healer.
Mom, I love you - I’m so proud of you, and so thankful for your wellness; physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Monday, July 12, 2010
15 Things
We went on vacation for a few weeks. It was really great. I learned a few things... about me, and about life...
1) I adore my in laws.
These two have to be two of the most accommodating, loving, caring and helpful people I've ever met in my life. I can't figure out where they went wrong with the Redneck. :: snicker ::
2) I really don't mind driving the Alaska Highway.
It's a nice long trip. If you like scenery, wild life, and spending time with those who are with you - then you're good to go!
3) Muncho Lake is bullshit.
Yep, I said it. Who the hell thinks it's okay to charge $1.69/liter for Diesel and $1.79/liter for gas? When I take it hard and dry, I generally like to be kissed and have dinner bought for me first.
These people need a box kick before someone removes their heads out of their asses. We fueled up there on the way up ($121.00 for 3/4 tank), and again on the way down. However, on the way down, we simply filled out truck up with the gas we brought from good old Alberta. Screw you gypsies... we're smarter than you.
4) 80km to empty in the mountains is generally less than 80kms.....
You don't need to know the details, but we made it without anyone having to send a St. Bernard with sherry.
5) I'm a shitty card player.
This applies to both electronic and paper cards. I suck. Unless it's "Go-Fish" or "War" it's too analytical and boring for me. That includes Solitaire and Klondike on BB. L-A-M-E. But it did the trick to soothe my itchy texting thumbs when we were without service.
6) I can cook like a hot damn with little to nothing that I find in the cabinets in my 5th wheel.
I made my own shake-n-bake out of flour and a bunch of spices and some bbq sauce for a smokey tasting baked/bbq'ed chicken. :: pats self on back ::
7) I don't really miss the Yukon enough to want to move back.
Some things and some people never change.
8) You don't have to be family, to be family.
We attended the wedding of some very good friends of ours. It was a real mish-mash of people - some I knew, some I didn't, some I loved, and some I loathed. It wasn't about me - it was about them. I was so blessed to be a part of it at all and was so happy to spend the night dancing and sharing one of the best days of their lives with them. The Mother and Father of the Bride, sisters, aunties and cousins truly made us feel like we belonged to the family. I was sad to go.
9) I'm a great fisher-woman.
"Give a woman a fish, she eats for a day; teach a woman to fish, she'll show you how it's done." I fished to limit ... I don't recall anyone else doin' that. Daddy, thanks for teaching me everything I know. You're a great teacher and an even better loser.
10) I always cry when dad calls me "baby" and mom tells me that she's proud of me and to "never forget it"
Goodbyes are always hard. I love them so much and they mean so much to me. I can't wait to see them again - it's always too long between visits. (This is likely a shock, I'm a total daddy's girl.)
11) My step-kids are the shit.
We sang, danced, hiked, swam, drove and drove and drove .... and drove... and no one bitched or complained. Life was amazing with those kids - again, I'm blessed to have them in my life.
12) Sleeping on roadside turnouts on the Alaska Highway with truckers sucks.
Why use your engine retarder break? Seriously, you should be slowed down enough by the time you roll in. And to the dick who honked on the way by on morning one; we were already WIDE awake dingleballs, but nice try. Go on, keep living the dream in your mustard stained wife-beater and streaked goch.
13) You don't always need music.
Sometimes riding in silence is nice. We didn't have radio for a majority of the trip - and the times we did have music, it was the kids' ipods or CHON FM (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CHON-FM -- first song we heard was "You Know You're Rez When..." by the Eaglebear Singers. BEST. EVER.)
14) When you do have music, road trip dance parties are a must.
I can't think of a better way to pass the time while looking like a complete idiot. I don't know about you, but I can dance in a confined space really well. We have a series of dance moves that our family has patent pending: the Gopher, the Sexy Gopher, the Motor Bike and the Anthony. As you can tell, this is a very frequent occurrence in our vehicle; if you saw it, you'd remember it.
15) Everytime I have a sleep over at the in-laws house, I wake up sick.
It's either the air conditioning or the three bottles of wine the MIL and I share every time I'm there. I can't figure it out. ;)
Thursday, June 3, 2010
A Week in Their Kitchen - June 2
The morning started out similar yesterday. Rice Krispies vs. Cheerios ... but then my little girl asked me for her vitamin. One of the "rules" with A Week in Their Kitchen is that you're not to take any medications that are not doctor prescribed. This includes cold medicine, vitamins, supplements, over the counter pain relievers and so on.
I again explained to Mini that we did not have the option to take our vitamins this week (and also pointed out I'm off mine - which I'm starting to notice, substantially!) and told her that I'd lay one out for her on Friday night. Before bed, she asked me again, how many "sleeps" it was until she was able to have her vitamin.
This really strikes me as amazing. Here I thought I've raised a food snob - which is an interesting take in itself, but then I think a bit harder about it, and last week, I thought she was eating too much prepackaged food, and I found myself substituting far more fresh cheeses, vegetables and fruits into her diet. At this point now, I almost want to give myself a pat on the back. My child whines about the following:
1) I want Rice Krispies vs. Cheerios
2) I want yogurt and fruit instead of pantry snacks
3) I want my vitamin ...........
Okay, so this tells me something.
1) I'm on my way to Mom of the Year
2) We lead a very good, healthy, priveleged life.
Packing lunches continues to be a significant chore that takes planning and effort. Again, iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, mushrooms and some croutons I made from some baguette crackers I received. I was "classin' it up" as one of my colleagues told me. (Leave it to a food snob, right?)
Dinner? Well, it was my jambalaya of course! I got home and heated it up - The Redneck was curious about what we would put it on, and when I told him "nothing" he said, "We didn't get rice?! Rice sure would be nice with that!!" ..... Um. No. We didn't get rice. "Ok. Noodles?" Sure, noodles would work. But, because I had left over spaghetti for lunch, I didn't plan on sharing in the noodly fun.
When we got home I heated the jambalaya up and started some noodles. Then I thought about what I could have as a whole grain and a protein (outside of the beans in the jambalaya, I hadn't had any protein for the entire day in my diet). I decided to make open faced tuna sandwiches, baked in the oven. I added a bit of bbq sauce on top, along with some pepper and baked them at 355 for 10 minutes.
I dished out the noodles and jambalaya ... gave the Redneck his bowl and Mini hers ... and then took a HUGE bite of my own. It smelled SO GOOD.
IT WAS SO BAD!!!!!! WAY too much SALT! :(
I don't cook with pre-packaged or high sodium ingredients normally, and so when I was preparing the jambalaya, I added garlic salt....... I thought it might be a bit salty (from the smell) and so I added several small, fresh potatoes - which did nothing to tone down the salt. I put mine on my sandwich, and it was bearable. Mini protested, and the Redneck went hungry. I had seconds because I was starving (and apparently I'm a garberator).
This is a reality - we only received a certain amount of food in that hamper, and as a result of my inability to judge the outcome of the meal, I messed it up to the point where it wasn't edible. My family had to rely on a whole subset of other things to snack on or eat - this meal should have lasted us two days. Can you imagine if we had one more week to live on this hamper? I would have single headedly ruined my family's chances at eating healthy for, at minimum, two or three days. I felt terrible, and even worse as I flushed what was supposed to be this amazing meal, down the toilet.
I'm now noticing a difference in my energy levels, my sleep patterns, along with physical changes, such as a bloated stomach and sausage fingers in the mornings (high sodium). It's hard to believe that people live like this on a constant basis; I can't imagine doing this for more than a week.
Stay tuned.
I again explained to Mini that we did not have the option to take our vitamins this week (and also pointed out I'm off mine - which I'm starting to notice, substantially!) and told her that I'd lay one out for her on Friday night. Before bed, she asked me again, how many "sleeps" it was until she was able to have her vitamin.
This really strikes me as amazing. Here I thought I've raised a food snob - which is an interesting take in itself, but then I think a bit harder about it, and last week, I thought she was eating too much prepackaged food, and I found myself substituting far more fresh cheeses, vegetables and fruits into her diet. At this point now, I almost want to give myself a pat on the back. My child whines about the following:
1) I want Rice Krispies vs. Cheerios
2) I want yogurt and fruit instead of pantry snacks
3) I want my vitamin ...........
Okay, so this tells me something.
1) I'm on my way to Mom of the Year
2) We lead a very good, healthy, priveleged life.
Packing lunches continues to be a significant chore that takes planning and effort. Again, iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, mushrooms and some croutons I made from some baguette crackers I received. I was "classin' it up" as one of my colleagues told me. (Leave it to a food snob, right?)
Dinner? Well, it was my jambalaya of course! I got home and heated it up - The Redneck was curious about what we would put it on, and when I told him "nothing" he said, "We didn't get rice?! Rice sure would be nice with that!!" ..... Um. No. We didn't get rice. "Ok. Noodles?" Sure, noodles would work. But, because I had left over spaghetti for lunch, I didn't plan on sharing in the noodly fun.
When we got home I heated the jambalaya up and started some noodles. Then I thought about what I could have as a whole grain and a protein (outside of the beans in the jambalaya, I hadn't had any protein for the entire day in my diet). I decided to make open faced tuna sandwiches, baked in the oven. I added a bit of bbq sauce on top, along with some pepper and baked them at 355 for 10 minutes.
I dished out the noodles and jambalaya ... gave the Redneck his bowl and Mini hers ... and then took a HUGE bite of my own. It smelled SO GOOD.
IT WAS SO BAD!!!!!! WAY too much SALT! :(
I don't cook with pre-packaged or high sodium ingredients normally, and so when I was preparing the jambalaya, I added garlic salt....... I thought it might be a bit salty (from the smell) and so I added several small, fresh potatoes - which did nothing to tone down the salt. I put mine on my sandwich, and it was bearable. Mini protested, and the Redneck went hungry. I had seconds because I was starving (and apparently I'm a garberator).
This is a reality - we only received a certain amount of food in that hamper, and as a result of my inability to judge the outcome of the meal, I messed it up to the point where it wasn't edible. My family had to rely on a whole subset of other things to snack on or eat - this meal should have lasted us two days. Can you imagine if we had one more week to live on this hamper? I would have single headedly ruined my family's chances at eating healthy for, at minimum, two or three days. I felt terrible, and even worse as I flushed what was supposed to be this amazing meal, down the toilet.
I'm now noticing a difference in my energy levels, my sleep patterns, along with physical changes, such as a bloated stomach and sausage fingers in the mornings (high sodium). It's hard to believe that people live like this on a constant basis; I can't imagine doing this for more than a week.
Stay tuned.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
A Week in Their Kitchen - June 1 (PM)
Did I ever tell you about the time I was part of a social experiment to raise awareness for the Calgary Food Bank? I was given a HUGE amount of food, most of which was tailored to my allergies, all except for the killer pineapple muffins. I didn't realize there was pineapple in them until it was in my mouth and my throat started to close. Hello darling friend, epi pen. Yes. True story. But annnyyywaaayyyyys.
This morning in my 2 hour weekly meeting, I had hunger pains. Normally, I eat at 5:30am and again at 8:30am. I didn't have oatmeal today, and I didn't have as much food with me - so I ended up waiting until 10:55 before I gobbled down my peanut butter sandwich. I then ate my tomato ... like an apple. I went to the gym, as I normally would, and did what I'd normally do. By the end of my 60 minute cardio session I felt light headed. I needed more calories.
I went back to my office and had my salad with bbq dressing and bread with butter. It was delicious! I appreciated the meal as it filled my tummy.
When I got home, I made the little one her dinner. I let her pick between the spaghetti I was planning or something else. She picked hot dogs with bbq sauce and bread and butter. She also picked out one of the cans of pop we were given (grapefruit - Mama's allergic to that too) and two Oreo cookies for dessert. She cleaned her lunch kit out onto the counter, and the only thing left were her two little gladware containers. ::insert happy mom face here:: She'd eaten everything she was sent and our "fight" from this morning was long forgotten.
As you can see, I didn't put a whole lot of thought into my meals last night as I was preparing for today. I make my lunch and bring it to work every day, I also bring my own coffee on most days - so these things aren't very difficult, they're rather routine for me. What I do have a problem with, is difficult to prepare or "too-much-thought-required" meals. I'm a mother, a wife, a professional and a volunteer. Who has time to spend hours and hours in the kitchen? With as whole as our diet is, I don't spend a TON of time in the kitchen; I like healthy, quick and easy meal choices.
Today, I spent the day thinking about Darren's Surprise (*facepalm* That's a MEAL pervvies) ... and that got me thinking, NO! I'm not going to lift his recipe! I can do this! I make new things all the time... I'll make my own jambalaya! So that's what I did.
I'd decided to start the slow cooker (which I've never used before!) and tossed in the ingredients. Tomato sauce, green pepper, mushrooms, diced tomato, potatoes, and mixed beans. I put in garlic salt, garlic powder, cajun spice and pepper. It's simmering for the night and will likely simmer for the day tomorrow. I expect it to be yummy, it smells good!
Dinner? I cooked it at the same time I was cooking the jambalaya. (I'm a woman, multi-tasking is my nature - did I mention that while I was cooking I was also reading a Clifford book to Mini, tweeting and texting??) I put some tomato sauce into a small pot, added some of the same ingredients (canjun, garlic powder, green pepper and mushrooms) and let it simmer while I did everything else. I made garlic bread with slices of bread, margerine and garlic powder sprinkled over top. I baked it on the rack in the oven at 355 for 8 minutes. It came out perfectly.
As I waited for the spaghetti noodles and toast to cook, I peeled and fried some platains -... Hmm. Not a fan. Maybe I cut them too thick? I might try them again, just a bit thinner, making them more like chips (Thanks @danellew) - tomorrow is another day. :)
The spaghetti sauce went over INCREDIBLY well - my husband (The Redneck) raved on an on about how amazing it was, and how it was done with so little. Yeah, okay, he loves me and hates cooking, so if it sucked, he wouldn't tell me, but even having said that, he came back for seconds and wanted thirds. (I'm glad I put some aside for our lunches by that time).
I'm sure you can tell, I'm feeling better about this, now that I have some direction; and of course, it helps that I'm following my peers as they go through their experiences as well. I'm kind of panicky beyond tomorrow and Thursday - because I don't have any plans yet, but don't worry, I'm a smart girl, I'll figure it out.
I find it funny that I've taken a basic right, like eating, for granted for so long... and now? It's dominating my life.
This morning in my 2 hour weekly meeting, I had hunger pains. Normally, I eat at 5:30am and again at 8:30am. I didn't have oatmeal today, and I didn't have as much food with me - so I ended up waiting until 10:55 before I gobbled down my peanut butter sandwich. I then ate my tomato ... like an apple. I went to the gym, as I normally would, and did what I'd normally do. By the end of my 60 minute cardio session I felt light headed. I needed more calories.
I went back to my office and had my salad with bbq dressing and bread with butter. It was delicious! I appreciated the meal as it filled my tummy.
When I got home, I made the little one her dinner. I let her pick between the spaghetti I was planning or something else. She picked hot dogs with bbq sauce and bread and butter. She also picked out one of the cans of pop we were given (grapefruit - Mama's allergic to that too) and two Oreo cookies for dessert. She cleaned her lunch kit out onto the counter, and the only thing left were her two little gladware containers. ::insert happy mom face here:: She'd eaten everything she was sent and our "fight" from this morning was long forgotten.
As you can see, I didn't put a whole lot of thought into my meals last night as I was preparing for today. I make my lunch and bring it to work every day, I also bring my own coffee on most days - so these things aren't very difficult, they're rather routine for me. What I do have a problem with, is difficult to prepare or "too-much-thought-required" meals. I'm a mother, a wife, a professional and a volunteer. Who has time to spend hours and hours in the kitchen? With as whole as our diet is, I don't spend a TON of time in the kitchen; I like healthy, quick and easy meal choices.
Today, I spent the day thinking about Darren's Surprise (*facepalm* That's a MEAL pervvies) ... and that got me thinking, NO! I'm not going to lift his recipe! I can do this! I make new things all the time... I'll make my own jambalaya! So that's what I did.
I'd decided to start the slow cooker (which I've never used before!) and tossed in the ingredients. Tomato sauce, green pepper, mushrooms, diced tomato, potatoes, and mixed beans. I put in garlic salt, garlic powder, cajun spice and pepper. It's simmering for the night and will likely simmer for the day tomorrow. I expect it to be yummy, it smells good!
Dinner? I cooked it at the same time I was cooking the jambalaya. (I'm a woman, multi-tasking is my nature - did I mention that while I was cooking I was also reading a Clifford book to Mini, tweeting and texting??) I put some tomato sauce into a small pot, added some of the same ingredients (canjun, garlic powder, green pepper and mushrooms) and let it simmer while I did everything else. I made garlic bread with slices of bread, margerine and garlic powder sprinkled over top. I baked it on the rack in the oven at 355 for 8 minutes. It came out perfectly.
As I waited for the spaghetti noodles and toast to cook, I peeled and fried some platains -... Hmm. Not a fan. Maybe I cut them too thick? I might try them again, just a bit thinner, making them more like chips (Thanks @danellew) - tomorrow is another day. :)
The spaghetti sauce went over INCREDIBLY well - my husband (The Redneck) raved on an on about how amazing it was, and how it was done with so little. Yeah, okay, he loves me and hates cooking, so if it sucked, he wouldn't tell me, but even having said that, he came back for seconds and wanted thirds. (I'm glad I put some aside for our lunches by that time).
I'm sure you can tell, I'm feeling better about this, now that I have some direction; and of course, it helps that I'm following my peers as they go through their experiences as well. I'm kind of panicky beyond tomorrow and Thursday - because I don't have any plans yet, but don't worry, I'm a smart girl, I'll figure it out.
I find it funny that I've taken a basic right, like eating, for granted for so long... and now? It's dominating my life.
A Week in Their Kitchen - June 1 (AM)
Yesterday was overwhelming for me; emotionally and mentally. I'm a smart girl, and I'm a great cook - that is of course, when I have the ingredients *I* select for the meals *I* want to prepare.
I live a very balanced and healthy lifestyle, and interestingly enough, last week was questioning how healthy I REALLY was eating. Last night put it into perspective as I was working at making lunches. The lunch for my daughter was really easy - she's 5, and loves anything pre-packaged, dyed and loaded with carbohydrates. Me on the other hand, I'm a bit of a snob I guess. I like trimming asparagus and fresh broccoli together with some baby carrots, adding some low fat margarine or fat free spray butter, along with a 40 calorie pork chop. Then, I'll generally pack a banana or two, a pear, an apple, perhaps a 100 calorie snack and 1/3c. of whole oats with 1 teaspoon of light brown sugar. As you can see, not only do I normally eat very healthy, I also eat A LOT. It falls in line with the fact that I work out 6 days a week, three of which are heavy weight lifting days.
This social experiment changes that.
I cut up some iceberg lettuce (which is basically like eating water - there is little to no nutritional value), some tomatoes (perfectly ripe, might I add!) and several mushrooms. I have a beautiful raspberry vinaigrette I would normally use on a salad, however, it's not an option this week, so I made my own.
Recipe:
2 tsp. garlic bbq sauce
sprinkle of salt
several dashes of pepper
two dashes of cajun spice
Voila! We have salad dressing. I'll dilute it a bit to make it less "saucy"... but it's actually quite good; tangy.
The remainder of my lunch is a pb sandwich and then two slices of bread with margerine, some more mushrooms and a half of a tomatoe, and a jell-o pudding cup. In total, I'm looking at about 750 calories from just that small amount of food. Considering that breakfast was 290 calories (2 medium eggs, 2 pieces of toast w/margerine) that leaves me just under 500 calories for dinner/snack tonight. I'll have to be quite careful, considering that I'm going to be making spaghetti and a home made sauce. I'll also be hijacking a vegetarian chili from Darren Krause - if he ever posts it. It sounds like he and I received similar hampers.
I do note that we didn't receive fruit - this will make the week difficult ... we eat a lot of fresh fruit in our home in a week.
This morning was an interesting experience. I put my daughter's breakfast out for her every night before I go to bed, and leave her a little glass of milk in the fridge for her cereal. As she was getting dressed, she shouted down the hall,
"Mama!? Did you give me cheerios this morning? Or Rice Krispies?!"(We only received cheerios in the hamper)
"Cheerios, baby." (wincing for the inevitable)
"MAMA!!!! I wanted Rice Krispiessssssssssssssss." (whining)
"Sorry honey, we only have cheerios this week..." (sighing deeply... waiting for more...)
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Mooommaaaaaaaaaaaaa" :: slamming bathroom door ::
:: blink :: :: blink :: I've raised a total food snob.
I got dressed and went downstairs, where my precious little snob was sitting, poking at these terrible cheerios. I asked her what her issue was, to which she responded that she wanted Rice Krispies, that she was sick of cheerios (she'd only switched to Rice Krispies on Sunday! She eats cheerios EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.) I sat down with her and explained, again, what we were doing.
I reminded her of the food we laid out last night, and how we took pictures of it for my blog. I also reminded her of the many families we remember to help out on a regular basis, the ones she calls the "unner-privs" (under-privileged - hey, it's better than the "poor kids"). That comforted her - she asked when she'd be able to have cheerios and I told her that she'd be able to have them on Saturday morning, that she could eat as much as she wanted. That satisfied her. I asked her if she peeked in her lunch kit ... she said she did and she was excited about the pink pudding .....
Score! Small victory in the world of a food snob.
I live a very balanced and healthy lifestyle, and interestingly enough, last week was questioning how healthy I REALLY was eating. Last night put it into perspective as I was working at making lunches. The lunch for my daughter was really easy - she's 5, and loves anything pre-packaged, dyed and loaded with carbohydrates. Me on the other hand, I'm a bit of a snob I guess. I like trimming asparagus and fresh broccoli together with some baby carrots, adding some low fat margarine or fat free spray butter, along with a 40 calorie pork chop. Then, I'll generally pack a banana or two, a pear, an apple, perhaps a 100 calorie snack and 1/3c. of whole oats with 1 teaspoon of light brown sugar. As you can see, not only do I normally eat very healthy, I also eat A LOT. It falls in line with the fact that I work out 6 days a week, three of which are heavy weight lifting days.
This social experiment changes that.
I cut up some iceberg lettuce (which is basically like eating water - there is little to no nutritional value), some tomatoes (perfectly ripe, might I add!) and several mushrooms. I have a beautiful raspberry vinaigrette I would normally use on a salad, however, it's not an option this week, so I made my own.
Recipe:
2 tsp. garlic bbq sauce
sprinkle of salt
several dashes of pepper
two dashes of cajun spice
Voila! We have salad dressing. I'll dilute it a bit to make it less "saucy"... but it's actually quite good; tangy.
The remainder of my lunch is a pb sandwich and then two slices of bread with margerine, some more mushrooms and a half of a tomatoe, and a jell-o pudding cup. In total, I'm looking at about 750 calories from just that small amount of food. Considering that breakfast was 290 calories (2 medium eggs, 2 pieces of toast w/margerine) that leaves me just under 500 calories for dinner/snack tonight. I'll have to be quite careful, considering that I'm going to be making spaghetti and a home made sauce. I'll also be hijacking a vegetarian chili from Darren Krause - if he ever posts it. It sounds like he and I received similar hampers.
I do note that we didn't receive fruit - this will make the week difficult ... we eat a lot of fresh fruit in our home in a week.
This morning was an interesting experience. I put my daughter's breakfast out for her every night before I go to bed, and leave her a little glass of milk in the fridge for her cereal. As she was getting dressed, she shouted down the hall,
"Mama!? Did you give me cheerios this morning? Or Rice Krispies?!"(We only received cheerios in the hamper)
"Cheerios, baby." (wincing for the inevitable)
"MAMA!!!! I wanted Rice Krispiessssssssssssssss." (whining)
"Sorry honey, we only have cheerios this week..." (sighing deeply... waiting for more...)
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Mooommaaaaaaaaaaaaa" :: slamming bathroom door ::
:: blink :: :: blink :: I've raised a total food snob.
I got dressed and went downstairs, where my precious little snob was sitting, poking at these terrible cheerios. I asked her what her issue was, to which she responded that she wanted Rice Krispies, that she was sick of cheerios (she'd only switched to Rice Krispies on Sunday! She eats cheerios EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.) I sat down with her and explained, again, what we were doing.
I reminded her of the food we laid out last night, and how we took pictures of it for my blog. I also reminded her of the many families we remember to help out on a regular basis, the ones she calls the "unner-privs" (under-privileged - hey, it's better than the "poor kids"). That comforted her - she asked when she'd be able to have cheerios and I told her that she'd be able to have them on Saturday morning, that she could eat as much as she wanted. That satisfied her. I asked her if she peeked in her lunch kit ... she said she did and she was excited about the pink pudding .....
Score! Small victory in the world of a food snob.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Week in Their Kitchen - May 31
I was okay on the ride over; there were three of us in the vehicle. I don’t know Roger or Pat all that well, but we were able to make some decent “not-too-awkward-conversation” on the way to the Food Bank.
When we arrived, it was about 12:30. The Food Bank opens its doors at 1:00; there were already people in line. One was a woman who was in good spirits, she pretended to punch Pat for cutting in line in front of her; the other was a small family with a little baby.
My heart felt sad.
I watched as the two in front of me went ahead and did the intake work. I felt nervous standing there, waiting for my turn. The smell of over-ripe fruit filled my nose, and the voices of the workers in the food line talking to one another carried over to me. I talked to Pat about books and his book viewer; he made me feel a bit calmer.
My scenario? I’m a single mom, I work hard, but I just don’t make enough to make ends meet. Did I mention I live in Strathmore? I didn’t know Strathmore has a food bank – I was informed that this would be the only time the Calgary Interfaith Food Bank would be able to help me. Normally, they help a family (provide a “band aid”) 7 times in a 12 month period; and never more than once in a 30 day period. Once a family or individual has been through three times, they then go to a referral service (along with other services) to help them manage.
I had to provide identification for myself and my daughter, (thank goodness I had it with me), employment numbers, expenses paid out in a month, and when I indicated that I “hadn’t paid my bills”, Joan quickly ran to get me some resource information, telling me that if I didn’t call them today, they’d shut off my services. She was concerned about my little girl having lights and hot water. I felt comforted by her, and yet a little intimidated, what if she told me I couldn’t feed my child for the next week? She also told me that if I knew anyone in line, not to wave at them, unless they waved at me first to protect their comfort zone and privacy.
Once she was done “interviewing” me, she gave me a print out with my name on it with “BLUE” written and circled in a highlighter of the same color. She sent me with Brooke, the coordinator of the event, to the food line. I turned to walk to the entry, and I felt every set of eyes in the place on me. I felt a deep tension fill my lower abdomen; I couldn’t look anyone in the eye. The line up had swelled 10 times to what it was when we originally arrived; I didn’t realize I’d taken so much time with the intake process. I wanted to busy myself with my blackberry, something I do often when I’m in an awkward situation or have a few minutes, but I felt this great sense of discomfort at even thinking about it, so I didn’t. I thumbed my device in my pocket as I walked behind Brooke, my eyes on the floor.
I followed Brooke through the door into the area where the food line was. The smell of over-ripened fruit was stronger; I felt my stomach do a flip-flop. When I looked to the right, Brittni was waiting beside the bread. Brooke smiled at me and offered a mini doughnut to help me feel better – as did the man behind the line. He told me they were calorie free, which made me smile. They were all so friendly, working hard to put me at ease; my discomfort was likely quite obvious. (Surely I’m not the only uncomfortable person they’ve had though those doors.) Brooke left me with Brittni and I turned to her as I indicated that I had no idea what to do. How was it I couldn’t figure out what to do in the Food Bank? I needed these groceries to feed my family, why was it so difficult?
My thoughts were spinning through my head as the man behind the line dropped several bags into some crates and then pushed the crates down the line. I had 4 crates of food and a recycling “bin” from Superstore. The first gentleman, and two more offered me “extra bread” – I couldn’t bring myself to take it after having seen so many families, truly in need, waiting in line. I glanced at Brittni as they rolled my five crates of food down the line, each person putting more food into it. The tension grew in the bottom of my stomach; I’m sure she could see the tears welling in my eyes as the emotion of the situation overcame me. I can't begin to explain the emotion I was feeling at the point – it was a clear mixture of guilt for taking the food, knowing I wasn’t truly in need; embarrassment for the fact I was having to take the food and another emotion, one I can only explain as innocent love, knowing that there was an agency, filled with people so willing help me, a perfect stranger, make ends meet and take care of my family.
I was someone to them.
As I rolled down the line, I made my best effort to focus on the people behind the line and the things they were telling me and giving me. They gave me pudding, I found myself thinking about my little girl, and how excited she would be – and then I saw them add in a big box of Oreo cookies – I made a mental note; my husband would like that.
There were several things I wouldn’t normally buy as a result of sugar and trans fat content – but not bad by any means. In fact, I found myself interested to see what else they would put in. Tentatively, we came upon Kelly, another one of the employees in the food bank. Her smile made me feel better as she acknowledged me. I appreciated her warmth and kindness as she gave me several containers of fresh mushrooms.
We kept rolling, and the feeling kept building in my stomach the closer we got to the end. Brittni helped me load my groceries into a cart and the friendly workers took the crates away; one gentleman even offered me tips on how to load the cart to get it out to my car properly. We turned the cart and left. I could feel everyone looking at me, wondering why I was there. I slipped out quickly and unloaded my stuff into the trunk of Roger’s car. The amount of food took over his whole trunk - Pat would have to put his in the back seat.
I expressed the overwhelming feelings I had to the group as we loaded back up and headed back downtown. Once we arrived back in the Core, Roger and Pat helped me unload my groceries onto my incredibly gratuitous truck, where I then waited for my fiancée.
When I got home, I unloaded all of the groceries onto my table and took photos. I was given a lot of food, and as I said before, a lot of food I wouldn’t normally buy. Food that is high in carbs, sodium, trans and saturated fats. But on the other hand, I was given milk, whole wheat bread, eggs, fresh vegetables, tuna fish, beans and sauces. I was also provided juice and meal replacements, which I’m seriously allergic to, a large container of peanut butter, and a pound of margarine. I’ve reloaded the recycling container with everything our family can’t use with the intention of bringing it back to re-donate. That includes the large container of peanut butter, the two bottles of bbq sauce, some of the crackers, the juices and meal replacements. I don’t want to keep something that someone else in that line could use.
So, dinner tonight? Mac-n-cheese with hot dogs, creative, right? (Not.) On my calorie counting diet, I was able to have 1/4c. of mac-n-cheese with 2 hot dogs for 530 calories. I’ll be able to better plan now that I know what I have to work with, and with that said, I don’t intend to eat another dinner like that again. I also have every intention of stealing recipes from other bloggers posts (cough-Darren-cough).
I guess what gets me the most about this whole thing is that I have choices, and I do have other food in my pantry – the people who utilize the services of the Calgary Interfaith Food Bank don’t have that option. In a week, I’ll be having a steak and a potato, but these people, they’ll be back in another 30 or 90 days maybe; and the need will continue to revolve.
When we arrived, it was about 12:30. The Food Bank opens its doors at 1:00; there were already people in line. One was a woman who was in good spirits, she pretended to punch Pat for cutting in line in front of her; the other was a small family with a little baby.
My heart felt sad.
I watched as the two in front of me went ahead and did the intake work. I felt nervous standing there, waiting for my turn. The smell of over-ripe fruit filled my nose, and the voices of the workers in the food line talking to one another carried over to me. I talked to Pat about books and his book viewer; he made me feel a bit calmer.
My scenario? I’m a single mom, I work hard, but I just don’t make enough to make ends meet. Did I mention I live in Strathmore? I didn’t know Strathmore has a food bank – I was informed that this would be the only time the Calgary Interfaith Food Bank would be able to help me. Normally, they help a family (provide a “band aid”) 7 times in a 12 month period; and never more than once in a 30 day period. Once a family or individual has been through three times, they then go to a referral service (along with other services) to help them manage.
I had to provide identification for myself and my daughter, (thank goodness I had it with me), employment numbers, expenses paid out in a month, and when I indicated that I “hadn’t paid my bills”, Joan quickly ran to get me some resource information, telling me that if I didn’t call them today, they’d shut off my services. She was concerned about my little girl having lights and hot water. I felt comforted by her, and yet a little intimidated, what if she told me I couldn’t feed my child for the next week? She also told me that if I knew anyone in line, not to wave at them, unless they waved at me first to protect their comfort zone and privacy.
Once she was done “interviewing” me, she gave me a print out with my name on it with “BLUE” written and circled in a highlighter of the same color. She sent me with Brooke, the coordinator of the event, to the food line. I turned to walk to the entry, and I felt every set of eyes in the place on me. I felt a deep tension fill my lower abdomen; I couldn’t look anyone in the eye. The line up had swelled 10 times to what it was when we originally arrived; I didn’t realize I’d taken so much time with the intake process. I wanted to busy myself with my blackberry, something I do often when I’m in an awkward situation or have a few minutes, but I felt this great sense of discomfort at even thinking about it, so I didn’t. I thumbed my device in my pocket as I walked behind Brooke, my eyes on the floor.
I followed Brooke through the door into the area where the food line was. The smell of over-ripened fruit was stronger; I felt my stomach do a flip-flop. When I looked to the right, Brittni was waiting beside the bread. Brooke smiled at me and offered a mini doughnut to help me feel better – as did the man behind the line. He told me they were calorie free, which made me smile. They were all so friendly, working hard to put me at ease; my discomfort was likely quite obvious. (Surely I’m not the only uncomfortable person they’ve had though those doors.) Brooke left me with Brittni and I turned to her as I indicated that I had no idea what to do. How was it I couldn’t figure out what to do in the Food Bank? I needed these groceries to feed my family, why was it so difficult?
My thoughts were spinning through my head as the man behind the line dropped several bags into some crates and then pushed the crates down the line. I had 4 crates of food and a recycling “bin” from Superstore. The first gentleman, and two more offered me “extra bread” – I couldn’t bring myself to take it after having seen so many families, truly in need, waiting in line. I glanced at Brittni as they rolled my five crates of food down the line, each person putting more food into it. The tension grew in the bottom of my stomach; I’m sure she could see the tears welling in my eyes as the emotion of the situation overcame me. I can't begin to explain the emotion I was feeling at the point – it was a clear mixture of guilt for taking the food, knowing I wasn’t truly in need; embarrassment for the fact I was having to take the food and another emotion, one I can only explain as innocent love, knowing that there was an agency, filled with people so willing help me, a perfect stranger, make ends meet and take care of my family.
I was someone to them.
As I rolled down the line, I made my best effort to focus on the people behind the line and the things they were telling me and giving me. They gave me pudding, I found myself thinking about my little girl, and how excited she would be – and then I saw them add in a big box of Oreo cookies – I made a mental note; my husband would like that.
There were several things I wouldn’t normally buy as a result of sugar and trans fat content – but not bad by any means. In fact, I found myself interested to see what else they would put in. Tentatively, we came upon Kelly, another one of the employees in the food bank. Her smile made me feel better as she acknowledged me. I appreciated her warmth and kindness as she gave me several containers of fresh mushrooms.
We kept rolling, and the feeling kept building in my stomach the closer we got to the end. Brittni helped me load my groceries into a cart and the friendly workers took the crates away; one gentleman even offered me tips on how to load the cart to get it out to my car properly. We turned the cart and left. I could feel everyone looking at me, wondering why I was there. I slipped out quickly and unloaded my stuff into the trunk of Roger’s car. The amount of food took over his whole trunk - Pat would have to put his in the back seat.
I expressed the overwhelming feelings I had to the group as we loaded back up and headed back downtown. Once we arrived back in the Core, Roger and Pat helped me unload my groceries onto my incredibly gratuitous truck, where I then waited for my fiancée.
When I got home, I unloaded all of the groceries onto my table and took photos. I was given a lot of food, and as I said before, a lot of food I wouldn’t normally buy. Food that is high in carbs, sodium, trans and saturated fats. But on the other hand, I was given milk, whole wheat bread, eggs, fresh vegetables, tuna fish, beans and sauces. I was also provided juice and meal replacements, which I’m seriously allergic to, a large container of peanut butter, and a pound of margarine. I’ve reloaded the recycling container with everything our family can’t use with the intention of bringing it back to re-donate. That includes the large container of peanut butter, the two bottles of bbq sauce, some of the crackers, the juices and meal replacements. I don’t want to keep something that someone else in that line could use.
So, dinner tonight? Mac-n-cheese with hot dogs, creative, right? (Not.) On my calorie counting diet, I was able to have 1/4c. of mac-n-cheese with 2 hot dogs for 530 calories. I’ll be able to better plan now that I know what I have to work with, and with that said, I don’t intend to eat another dinner like that again. I also have every intention of stealing recipes from other bloggers posts (cough-Darren-cough).
I guess what gets me the most about this whole thing is that I have choices, and I do have other food in my pantry – the people who utilize the services of the Calgary Interfaith Food Bank don’t have that option. In a week, I’ll be having a steak and a potato, but these people, they’ll be back in another 30 or 90 days maybe; and the need will continue to revolve.
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